Today’s boredom: Mars Hoax and a fire tornado

Today I came in only 12 minutes late, but the good news is I did zero work today. That’s right! I wasted eight hours of taxpayer money.

There was so much screwing off on the computer, I can’t even fit it all in. But I’ll give you some of the highlights.

There’s a hoax going around that Mars will be very visible tonight in the sky, like a second moon. It’s not real, I’m sorry to reporter.

The Chilean miners sent a video to rescuers asking for help. My heart goes out to them, but how on earth did they get a video to them?

Demonstrators gather outside the Empire State Building to protest the building’s policy of not honoring Mother Teresa. It’s pretty silly they won’t honor a woman who gave her life to help others.

This is some wild footage from CNN. A tornado fire!

Sony unveiled their new motion controller for the Playstation 3. I still love my Wii and I’m not making the jump any time soon.

I also listened to one of my favorite bands, Pomplamoose (it means Grapefruit in French). Check out their cover of the Michael Jackson classic “Beat It.”

Why won’t someone do this to the guy on Hell’s Kitchen? That dude needs a beat-down like this chef got.

Here’s a clip of Jennifer Lopez screwing up in the studio. She really can’t sing!

Here’s a really funny short video on Pee-Wee Herman at a motorcycle rally. Good stuff. Here’s another funny Pee-Wee video where he gets an iPad.

As always, thank you for your tax dollars.

I leave you with a sweet remix of Nirvana and The Jackson 5

The voicemail I never check

Every day I’m greeted by the blinking red light on my phone that indicates I have a voicemail, but I never check it.

You may assume that’s out of laziness, but it’s really more like ignorance. I have no idea how to check my voicemail. I never get calls at work about anything, since I work very little. I would say 90 percent of my calls are from a wrong number.

The little red light is always there, blinking out of the corner of my eye. Sometimes I wonder if it was important, a message from someone at work who needed a vital file. But then I think, “It couldn’t be anything urgent because I never do anything of vital importantance.”

As usual, thank you for your tax dollars.

Today’s lack of work: An At-At dog and a gay Republican

I came into work 14 minutes late today, which is kinda earlier than I’m usually late.

I always check my personal e-mail and facebook pages, along with my fantasy baseball team, when I first arrive at “work.” Then, I see what’s hot on the Interwebs.

I geeked out on a filmmakers youtube page today by the name of Patrick Boivin. The guy does a lot of stop-motion animation and has a really keen eye and has some really funny stuff, like Batman and Joker as b-boys!

Iron Baby was also very entertaining. There’s also a fight between Bruce Lee and Iron Man that is pretty entertaining.

My family, though, was the following, “At-At Afternoon.”

I also read about the recalled eggs that are out there. Be careful!

I also watched this terribly video of a woman trying to get all political with her acoustic guitar. It’s terrible, and it’s a song about Palin using a Neil Young song. It’s terrible. See how long you can make it before you turn it off.

Here’s a great video I watched on your tax dollar today featuring The Count, from Sesame Street where he is censored. It’s hilarious.

Here’s a hilarious bit from The Onion about standardized testing being biased against students who don’t give a shit.

I also got a kick out of seeing this story about Ken Mehlman, President George W. Bush’s campaign manager in 2004 and a former chairman of the Republican National Committee, who revealed that he is gay and is working to advance the cause of same-sex marriage.

I performed about 10 minutes today of actual work.

As always, thank you for your tax dollars.

Today’s work ratio:

Today’s day at work

My day started out by coming in 16 minutes late but signing in at 9 a.m., when my work day is actually supposed to start.

I had breakfast at my desk while I read my personal e-mail. I hardly check my work e-mail, since I only get something work related like once every couple weeks.

I created this blog today, came up with the header design, wrote the intro. That all took about an hour.

Then, I didn’t about five minutes of work.

After that I read the sports page, www.espn.com and then checked my fantasy baseball team, updated the roster and read about baseball for a while.

After that, I worked on something for about an hour.

I e-mailed some friends and posted some funny stuff on facebook, like this video of a Wiffle Ball pitcher who is just nasty.There are also some hilarious Auto-tune the News clips, like this one.

Then I checked out the Tron Girl video, which has made some waves on the Interwebs. Not that funny, but she’s super hot.

While I ate lunch, I  read a story about the most dead cities in America. Kind of interesting and depressing.

Netflix is my savior at work sometimes. When it’s dreadfully slow I watch a movie online. I checked “The Eclipse.” No, not the whack-ass Twilight movie. It was really good. It was a thriller, and I recommend it.

And that was my day. Pretty flippin’ boring. It was a ratio of about seven hours of slacking off to one hour of work.

Hope you enjoy the links and, as usual, thank you for your tax dollars.

Here’s today’s work ratio:

I also watched some Beck videos for a while. I’m a big fan. This particualar video struck home.

I am a useless state employee

I am a government employee for one of the glorious 50 state in America, and I have absolutely no purpose.

I’m one of those tax-wasting workers who take up a cubicle on your tax dollar while screwing around on the Internet all day and doing very little to earn my paycheck. Every day I will be logging the Web sites I visit, how late I come to work, and how much actual work I do.

The irony is, I’m not slacking off. I just have no work to do and my bosses are understanding. Screwing off is perfectly acceptable.

I am a useless state employee.

I hope you enjoy reading this and find it enlightening and, perhaps, a little enraging.

Thank you for your tax dollars.

If you’re a useless state government employee, I’d love to hear from you. Please feel free to share links, stories, time-wasters and how little you actually work for the tax payers.